The Blond Test

This morning at breakfast, Zoë announced that she was going to administer the Blond Test to each of us. This is apparently one of those middle school quizzes that kids ask each other. When I was in middle school, we used to predict each other's future via a similar test. In our game, you would draw a large square on a piece of paper. Each side of the square would be divided up into four parts. We would then ask the person whose future we were predicting to give us four places. These would be written down one side of the square. A second side would get four types of cars. The third side would get the names of four girls (or boys, depending on your preference.) And the fourth would get the letters M, A, S, and H. These would stand for mansion, apartment, shack, and house. The predictor would then start to draw a slow spiral in the middle of the square and ask the predictee to say “stop.” Once this happened, the predictor would count the number of lines in the spiral and use this to count off around the square eliminating options as they were landed on. Eventually, you’d end up with a name, a car, a place, and a domicile – thus predicting the person’s fate. Zoë’s quiz was intended to determine whether or not you were a “Blond” – meaning ditzy (with all due apologies to you natural blonds out there.) Her test, like mine, involved drawing a diagram on paper and having the test taker fill it in. After breakfast, Zoë grabbed some paper and started laying out the test for Mel to take. She got the diagram drawn and then, without really thinking about what she was saying, blurted out, “How do you spell blond?” Um Zoë, I think you just failed your own test. We gave her a hard time for that one.

Footnote – after Mel, Zoë and I argued it for a while, I had to do some research to find out if blond had an e at the end or not. Turns out, both spellings are acceptable, but blonde is usually used as a feminine noun while blond is usually used as an adjective. I guess we all failed the test. Oh well.

Go Patriots.